January 2010 Celebration and the Spirit at Work

This was originally written as a facebook note on January 19, 2009

I am always touched by Celebration, but something was different this time. This weekend I was head music gopher, which was a lot of work. I also had to do a talk on prayer and piety. I believe God has blessed me with the gift of leadership, and I try to use that. I really try and say what affects people the most. Sometimes, though I try too hard and too much. Everything that really touched me was not what I said, but what others said that was exactly what I wanted others to hear and what I needed to hear. I will try and say what I said at closing without stopping to cry every few seconds. :) So like I said, when I first went into the upper room to put my footwashing stuff up there, I got chills. Rev. Krummenacher, who also was spiritual advisor at my first celebration, was the same at #8. I had a good feel for him, and I did footwashing with Lizzie, and it was an amazing experience. I was moved, and I felt like I had it all under control this weekend. But that was the problem. After the first rotation, I was confused because Dr. Parr would talk during the middle of a song. I realized something, I am flexible when it comes to me being in control but not when others are in control, even God. So after the first rotation, I talked with Mr. Parr and said that I would play one song before and other stuff, and he responded by just saying that he was being led by the spirit to talk whenever the moment arose. Of course, I was not going to argue, but I was still uncomfortable. If I would have had it my way, we would have always done Sanctuary last, and the theme sone when they were walking in, but slowly, I started to feel calm. The spirit started to move. I would change up the order a little, sometimes I would randomly be going through and find a song that just needed to be played. After the third one, I just smiled afterwards and Mr. Parr could tell what I was feeling and said just let the spirit work. Annalise started praying the most beautiful prayers, and not through any of her own doing, but by the sprit's lead. When Elise came in to sing with me after Sarah, she was worried that she would not sing the right note and stuff, but I was way too calm to worry with her, all I tried to do was be calm and just do what God wanted to do. Elise, you started to become calmer also. I was becoming calm. The spirit was moving. Then the caritas group came in. I look forward to them since I know most of them. There were a lot of people and so it took a long time to do footwashing for everyone. I went on through the songs, and I started doing sanctuary, even though I did not feel that it would be the last song. So we sang through the first second and third verses, and by the time we went back to the beginning, I did not know when they would end footwashing. A few people had moved around so I did not know how far we were to being done. But the spirit was moving. So we did the first verse once more, then went up a step, then, through the spirit, I played one last chord, and we sang it one more time a capella. Ten seconds later, the last person was done and every one stood up. The spirit was in control. I put down my guitar, and walked up to join the circle, as we finished Sanctuary. Then Annalise made an amazing prayer, and I was in tears.

I also had been worrying about what to say during closing before the weekend. I did not trust that God was going to give me something, but he did. God was still speaking. When Annalise and Brad did their talk, they said exactly what I thought I wanted to say. God had given me the words to speak on that weekend, and I finally answered him and said what he wanted to.
In the end guys, I have been changed. Nothing I will say will affect others, only God opens hearts with his holy spirit. And that is what Dr. Parr pushed me too. Everything I thought others should hear was said, but not by me. God wanted me to say what he wanted to say, not what I wanted to say. For we walk by faith and not by sight. The only way I can truly change others for the better is to listen to him calling.